When the Fake Movie is better than the Real Movie

So a friend of mine and a local sports DJ I admire kinda talked me into watching the TV show Entourage and I surprisingly found myself enjoying the show.  I never really had a desire to watch back when it was airing on HBO mostly because it seemed very bro down esc and I was right, the show is very much about the benefits of being a guy.  But, what makes it funny is the absurdity of Hollywood and what makes it a little genius is even when the show is being at its most absurd, it probably does not compare to the realities of how nuttso Hollywood really can be.

The fake movies and TV shows used to drive the Entourage plot along and re-watching In & Out recently had me thinking about the various fake movies we see in real movies.  Some of them are completely ridiculous, but some of them look better than the movie we are actually watching.  So I just want to take a moment and send my Christmas wish list early to Santa and hope that maybe he will help get some of these fake movies made. Hey, it could happen!  Machete got made and it also got a sequel.

Side note: “To Serve and Protect” from In & Out is not on the list because given the current times of no more Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell and the recent Supreme Court decision on gay marriage, the movie seems like it would be really out of date.  Now if they re-told the story featuring a transgender person, then that would be interesting.

“Aquaman” from Entourage

I’m not really a big James Cameron fan.  I think his last good movie was True Lies (yes, I did like Titanic when it first came out, but I was 15 at the time and insanity does apply in that instance).  He does know how to make a really good looking, well-paced action movie, but his last few outings were lacking in character development and story.  Considering he was trying to make “important” movies, it felt like those things should be in there somehow.  The idea of him taking on a character as polarizing as Aquaman would be kinda awesome and I would happily go and see it in theaters.  In fact a James Cameron comic book movie would be pretty great as long as he was tackling a character that was kinda bland already so the action and effects he is good at filming would easily be center stage.  Superman is the first one to really cross my mind as a good character for a Cameron movie.  Here is hoping James Wan will be as good in 2018 as the pretend one in Entourage.  In the TV show, we only see a half-scene before the power goes out in the theater, but it did look good.

“McBain” from The Simpsons

Please someone go and beg Matt Groening, James L. Brooks, and Sam Simon to make this wonderful cartoon movie spoofing the movies of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jean-Claude Van Damme.

“Oscar Gold” from American Dad!

Oscar (played by Rodger aka Tearjerker) is a Jewish, mentally retarded, alcoholic in WWII German occupied Poland.  His best friend (a puppy) dies of cancer and this propels him to give up drinking and start painting.  Please, please, please Seth MacFarlane, go for strength, go for inspiration, go for Oscar Gold.  Making this movie will make you feel better for Ted 2 not doing so well in theaters.

“Good Will Hunting 2: Hunting Season” from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

I don’t care what any of you say, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back was greatness!  It was a hilarious parody of the minor characters from Kevin Smith’s other movies and it was also a giant “fuck you” to those who didn’t like him.  Gotta love it!  The Good Will Hunting sequel in the movie was also a great way of poking fun at producers in Hollywood that don’t get why a movie was so successful in the first place and greenlight a sequel that focuses on something minor that is completely stupid.  We are looking at you Ocean’s Twelve, Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows, Speed 2: Cruise Control, and Highlander 2: The Quickening.  The premise of Good Will Hunting 2 is so ridiculous that it makes it funny as hell and a cult classic in the making.

“Birdman” from Birdman

A superhero movie about a man who dresses up as a giant bird so he can fight crime that is a flat rip off of Batman?  I’m in!  Please make it starring Michael Keaton.

“MoonQuake Lake” from Annie

I didn’t see Annie, but I did see this trailer all over the internet and it sounds balls out awesome.  Mila Kunis crying glowy tears while Ashton Kutcher talks about catching her if she were to fall off the moon and Rhiana as some kind of leader of the moon people.  Sony needs to get on this!

“Teresa: The Making of a Saint” from How to Lose Friends and Alienate People

I put this one on the list mostly because I do want to see a real movie about Mother Teresa get made, but hopefully Megan Fox will not play her.  Most likely it when one does get made, it will be overblown, overacted, Oscar grubbing trash and that makes me sad.

“Don’t” from Grindhouse

Edgar Write directing a horror/slasher movie.  Do I need to say more?

“Angels with Filthy Souls” from Home Alone

I’m going to confess that I had no clue that this was not a real movie up until about two days ago when I was looking up some movies within movies to talk about.  It looked like an awesomely gritty gangster movie that was made quite often in the 30’s and 40’s like White Heat, the original Scarface, and The Public Enemy.  The title was a play on the classic Angels with Dirty Faces which is why a part of me did think it was real and I wanted to see it.  Hell I still want to see it!  Let’s hope the upcoming Black Mass and Legend fill the need for a good gangster movie.

All the movies featured in Tropic Thunder

“Satan’s Alley” was an obvious play on overacted, overblown, Oscar grubbing trash we see every September thru January.  “The Fatties: Fart 2” made fun of Eddie Murphy’s remake very funny Jerry Lewis’s classic The Nutty Professor and the horribly over done sequel that inevitably followed.  “Scorcher 6” pretty much looked like every over played action franchise in existence.  “Simple Jack” was the movie made to warn every actor about not going full retard (cough Sean Penn cough).  And of course the movie “Tropic Thunder” that looked like a perfect spoof of Apocalypse Now and Platoon.  As long as these movies are made in the same spirit as the trailers were done, they would be so great!

Honorable Mention: “The Midnight Coterie of Sinister Intruders” from SNL

I love Wes Anderson movies.  They are corky and weird without being too perspicacious (you know, in the wholly obnoxious way other directors can be).  I would love to see him do a slasher movie in his Wes Anderson-y way.

Any fake movies within movies I missed that you want to see?  Let me know in the comments section.  I know Funny or Die have several fake movie trailers, but I wanted to keep with the movie within a movie (or TV show) theme here.

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About Nerdling

The Nerdling has an unhealthy obsession with books, the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and Star Wars. She finds hockey to be the best sport in the world (Go Dallas Stars!) and is working on her first novel, but mostly glowers at a blank screen. You can find her on Twitter @nerdlingstale on Facebook @NerdlingTales or Instagram @nerdling_tales

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