Zombie apocalypse coming? Not to worry, Fear the Walking Dead is full of solid advice on what to do and what not to do when faced with those who would find your sweet flesh appetizing.
Here is what we learned this week:
- If your parents are panicking over your teen love getting super sick after being bitten, maybe that means they know something you don’t and you should listen to them.
- If your teen love tells you that you need to get far away from them, it means they have more sense than you do and you should listen to them.
- If your family begs you not to leave the house no matter what, listen to them.
- If someone you love is leaving the house when they are not supposed to, have a grand mal seizure. It gets them to come back every time.
- When things start to get a little too weird to describe, always listen to the person you dismissed earlier as the crazy conspiracy theorist, they usually understand what is going on.
- Break in to your local school for meds. The pharmacies will be hit up by the looters before you have a chance to go and get what you need, then they will move on to the gun shops and liquor stores.
- Schools are the best place to get all your drug needs because when teachers confiscate the illegal stuff, they keep it in the school for anyone to find later.
- While you are at the school for meds, get yourself some canned goods. Grocery stores are going to be mad houses.
- Fire extinguishers can be used for more than just putting out water, kids. Always have one handy.
- Know that it is all going to hell when you see the cops stocking up on water and not caring what in the hell is going on.
- When you see a riot breaking out, lock up your store.
- It is okay to help the obviously harmless family looking to not get killed by the rioters.
- Don’t be a stupid teenager and listen to the grownups. I know it is hard cause you are a teen and inherently are the dumbest creature on the planet, but just try.
- Don’t be addicted to drugs, withdrawal during the apocalypse is a super bitch.
- If someone is walking slowly towards you with a limp, groaning instead of talking, and has dead eyes, don’t try and help them.
- Don’t hit someone attacking you or someone with you only once, they will get back up.
- Don’t leave the food you just stole from the school behind in a panic because you killed the principal. You will regret that later.
- Don’t let the neighbors throw a birthday party for their kids, it will attract bad things.
- If your former partner is calling you in a panic wondering where you and your child is at, don’t just ramble on and on about custody issues. Shut your mouth and listen. Someone freaking out should be a clue something is wrong.
- Don’t ignore the phone if the parent that does not have full custody of you keeps calling. Blowing up your phone usually means there is an emergency.
- Don’t join the protest no matter how important you think it is. Social justice is good and all, but be aware of what is going on when protesting.
- If you see your neighbors getting attacked, don’t go outside to help.
Are there any tips Fear the Walking Dead gave that I missed? Let me know in the comments section.
The show is already taking its first break, so we will have to wait two weeks for our next batch of advice. See you guys then!