Hate Valentine’s Day? 13 Movies to watch when romance is not in the air

If you detest Valentine’s Day then I hate to be the reminder that it is coming up this Sunday. Every restaurant and movie theater is going to be filled with couples celebrating the holiday together. So why not grab a few friends and have a non-romance night with these anti-love movies.

(500) Days of Summer

Boy falls in love with girl. Girl leads boy around by his…ahh…emotions. Girl breaks boy’s heart. Zoe Deschanel is at her Manic-Pixie-Girl worst in this movie as Summer, the girl everyone falls in love with because she is just so freaking unique. She listens to Indie pop music like The Smiths and shops at record stores, poor Tom (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) doesn’t stand a chance. I actually really love this movie because of the unique way it tells this heartbreak story and it kinda hates on the whole Manic-Pixie-Girl stereotype by showing that she is really just full of crap. Nerdy girls are so much cooler.

La Vie en rose

Image Courtesy of Légende Films and Picturehouse

Image Courtesy of Légende Films and Picturehouse

The biopic of Edith Piaf is all about the heart break of loves lost by this enthralling singer also put Marion Cotillard on the map internationally and garnered her an Oscar. “La Vie en Rose” may be one of Piaf’s most famous songs, but her best is easily “Non, je ne regrette rien” (translation “No, I regret nothing”) is all about the triumph of her soul over the sadness. If the song sounds really familiar it is because it was used as a key plot point in Inception.

Kill Bill

Image Courtesy of Miramax

Image Courtesy of Miramax

The first in the long line of Quentin Tarantino revenge flicks he now only makes (to the detriment of his creative brilliance I might add) is about a woman hell bent on killing her ex-boyfriend because he tried to kill her first. Great action, bloody fun, and lots of those awesome Tarantino movie moments. Uma Thurman is the badass I wish I could be.

My Bloody Valentine

Image Courtesy of Paramount Pictures

Image Courtesy of Paramount Pictures

Because what is an “I hate love” party without a decent slasher flick. For this one I would go with the original 1981 version, but the 2009 remake is not too bad. It stars Jensen Ackles for those of you who are Supernatural fans.

Cabin in the Woods

For when you want a really good quality slasher flick starring Chris Hemsworth for your “I hate love” party.

Black Swan

I love this movie, but the takeaway message does seem to be “exploring your sexuality will drive you insane.” Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis play rival ballerinas turn frenemies who battle it out for the role of a lifetime, but at what cost. Dark, twisted, and a little bit frightening, Black Swan will make you grateful your repressed sexuality isn’t making you hallucinate bad things chasing you. Or does it?

Shame

Speaking of crazy sexuality, Michael Fassbender’s Brandon is a sex addict whose life is turned upside down when his errant sister comes to stay with him and disrupts his need to compulsively get it on. No longer able to privately fulfill his needs, having to wrestle with his past and his emotionally broken sister, Brandon spirals out of control. Sex couldn’t be less sexy.

Blue Valentine

Image Courtesy of The Weinstein Company

Image Courtesy of The Weinstein Company

Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams portray a married couple whose lives didn’t turn out the way they wished it could have when the two first met and were more in love. This movie is a sad reminder that not every love story has a happy ending.

Match Point

Match Point

Philandering jerk husband tries to find a way to juggle his sweet wife whose only asset he is attracted to is her money, and the smoking hot fiancé of his best friend. If that doesn’t say marriage and men suck, then I don’t know what else does.

War of the Roses

Image Courtesy of 20th Century Fox

Image Courtesy of 20th Century Fox

This black comedy has Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner embattled in a vicious divorce. To make things worse, the neither one wants to move out of their marital home or give up shared possessions. The battle of the sexes is on as the two of them attempt to make the other’s life miserable in order to win the right to live in the house. Danny DeVito is their lawyer caught in the middle. It is like the anti-Romancing the Stone.

Heartburn

Image Courtesy of Paramount Pictures

Image Courtesy of Paramount Pictures

Another comedy about divorce as Norah Ephron draws from the messy end of her marriage to Carl Bernstein starring Meryl Streep and Jack Nicholson. After finding out her husband is having an affair with a social-climber, Rachel moves in with her father to try and figure out if what she thought was a happy marriage was real or a lie she told herself. Wonderfully funny and heartbreaking at the same time, probably one of Ephron’s best movies.

9 to 5

Image Courtesy of 20th Century Fox

Image Courtesy of 20th Century Fox

Okay maybe this one isn’t anti-romance, but it is all about the girl power. Who needs a man when you have your ladies? Lily Tomlin, Dolly Parton, and Jane Fonda star as three friends and co-workers who get revenge on their sexist jerk of a boss and work together to make their office environment better for their fellow employees. If the rumors are true then the three of them will soon reunite in season two of Grace and Frankie!

The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert

One of the best girl’s road trip movies out there (Thelma and Louis have nothing on these ehem ladies) featuring Hugo Weaving, Guy Pierce, and Terrance Howard looking fabulous as two drag queens and a transsexual making their way from Sidney to a desert resort to perform their cabaret act. Pasts are reconciled, secrets are revealed, and lasting friendships are born all while these ladies gear up for the best drag show the resort dwellers have ever seen.

Are there any other movies you would add to the list? Let me know in the comments section below. Tomorrow is all about the love as I come back with movies to watch if you are in the mood for romance.

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About Nerdling

The Nerdling has an unhealthy obsession with books, the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and Star Wars. She finds hockey to be the best sport in the world (Go Dallas Stars!) and is working on her first novel, but mostly glowers at a blank screen. You can find her on Twitter @nerdlingstale on Facebook @NerdlingTales or Instagram @nerdling_tales

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