A Random Banana: Summer Movie Predictions

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Intrepid Reporter: It’s been tough tracking you down. I know you’ve been on the move, thanks for doing this. So… the new Alamo Draft House near you finally opened. What do you anticipate doing well there this summer?

UberApe: Well I’ll start with a wildcard first: 10 Cloverfield Lane. Looks intriguing. Good trailer. The first Cloverfield was one of those rare occasions where I didn’t think the movie was necessarily great, but the concept was really cool. Cool enough, in fact, to make up for the actual film being meh, which is normally a tough sell.

IR: I’m surprised how under wraps it was able to be kept.

UA: Indeed, but then so was the Force Awakens juggernaut for the most part. On-set secrecy is probably an old hat for JJ after all that. I watched an analytical breakdown of the trailer the other day and I’m anxious to see what surprises await. We’ll know tonight….

IR: And you expect it to do well?

UA: I think so. The JJ factor and the trailer, and then word of mouth if it’s good, will be the contributing factors. But like I said it’s my wildcard pick.

IR: What are the shoo-ins?

UA: Obviously the much anticipated Captain America will clean up, and even though Batman v Superman already has a pretty divisive and opinionated audience prior to release, I still expect it to rake it in. Then I suppose the X-Men Apocalypse thing will kill it as well.

IR: The cinematic comic universes do seem to reign supreme these days. Thank God for Star Wars setting the balance right again. Always good to see nostalgia check one in the win column.

UA: Yep. And along those lines, I think the new Ghostbusters will benefit the same way. I was skeptical until I saw the trailer. Actually looks hilarious. It should make tons.

IR: Comedies can be hard to predict.

UA: Sometimes. But I think another safe bet will be the Kevin Hart / Rock thing bombing miserably. Central Intelligence? No thanks. The only thing that looks worse is the Ninja Turtle thing.

IR: Yes I was a bit surprised by that one. I thought their popularity fizzled years ago.

UA: Yeah exactly. But then I thought the same thing about Angry Birds, but they have a movie too. Kinda made me want to play the game on my iPad again. But not see a movie about it…

IR: Video game movies don’t have the best track record.

UA: Nope. An unreliable fan-base. In fact I see that audience diverting its movie money to something like Suicide Squad anyway. That trailer reminds me of a Grand Theft Auto promo gone haywire. If the comic cinematic universe was a rave, Suicide Squad would be the Drum ‘n Bass room. Too much overload for UberApe, but it will nevertheless do well I think.

IR: Anything else?

UA: Star Trek should do well. I’m not sure they can out-do Kahn and the trailer doesn’t suggest anything to the contrary, but it has a reliable fan base and the filmmakers have good track record. Jason Bourne should also do well for the same reasons.

IR: Biggest flops?

UA: I’ll be shocked if the Now You See Me sequel makes a cent, but I’m told it probably will since the first one actually found a following. But the biggest let-down I think will be the Magnificent 7 re-make. People will go see it, but not enough to make up for the giant budget. The cast salary alone could pay for three other movies.

IR: It does seem over the top.

UA: Especially when I’d rather see something like Finding Dory where your cast is made up of pixels. And will probably end up making more money.

IR: I know you’re in a hurry. Any final thoughts?

UA: Jungle Book. Looks like it will combine story, character, sentiment, suspense, all pretty successfully. And from the trailer, it looks like it will be visually and sonically spectacular. The name recognition alone will sell it, but I think this will end up being the biggest blockbuster.

IR: Jungle Book? Really? Do I sense a personal bias to that genre?

UA: Roar.

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About UberApe

UberApe inhabits a forested area of Dallas, TX. His favorite pastimes are movies, cigars, hockey, and climbing over balconies of tall buildings.

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